Dear Older Man in my Chem Class...

Dear older guy in my chemistry class,
You sit behind me every morning when you walk in five minutes late, mumble something to the kid in front of you, make quite a bit of noise sitting down and then you open your 32oz. Mt.Dew...I don't mind your being there, and I'm all for going back to school when your older (lord knows if it weren't for you I would be the oldest person there). However, with your age has seemingly come an unawareness of those around you trying to pay attention, as well as an increased self-confidence in which you feel compelled to loudly answer each and every question (rhetorical or otherwise) within a second of it being asked, and also regardless of whether or not you have a clue what you are talking about. I enjoy your enthusiasm, but please think before you speak, everyone else seems to be taking a moment to do so. And just a question (rhetorical btw), how many times does a teacher have to say "no..." and continue on with the explanation before you realize you are never right and just stop trying. Perhaps you are a slow learner, and that is unfortunate (evidently for both of us), but please stop answering so loudly and incorrectly each and every day. After about the first ten times I quite frankly want to turn around and punch you in the face so that the mt.dew to your mouth at all times falls smashes into your teeth, falls to the floor and splashes all over you, creating a large mess in all it's splashing grandeur. I can then sit back and watch it all proceed (after my fist as the initial catalyst is back at my side) with the theme music proudly playing in my head. Okay, perhaps that was a bit dramatic, but that is kind of how I see it unfolding if this does not soon stop. If you can close your mouth for one class period, or even just answer the non-rhetorical questions correctly I would greatly appreciate it and we would learn much more material with no need to stop, correct, and start again every five minutes. Thanks, Eve