Anatomy Lab...Reproduction Chapter

Well, to begin I have a three hour anatomy lab once a week where we learn new material (different system or part of the body) and we are able to learn on not only models but also cadavers. This is great, especially for undergrad (yes, I'm still in it if you're wondering) and offers quite a bit to the learning process. However, this week we reached sort of a downfall...the urinary and reproductive chapters. Well, it seems that although we are in college, some of us really never outgrow our "eww" and "ick" stage in talking about these things. Needless to say, my class basically reverted to what seemed like fifth grade. It was very strange, somewhat awkward and strangely hilarious, let me recount a few moments:

1. We are taking a quiz on the past weeks lab, and the "pre-lab" question (we are supposed to have read ahead on what we will learn today so it is a very basic question) is marked on a model, the vagina is labeled and the question is "what is the
name of this copulatory organ?" Seems simple enough, right? I right vagina and move onto the next station. Well, we go back into review our answers and this one girl has written possibly the best response ever...background info - she had no idea that this lab was on reproduction (she hadn't done her "pre-lab")...She walks up to the model, reads the question and looks confused. At this point she looks again at the model, writes her answer, smirks and walks away. We review our answers and he (our professor) asks her if she will read her answer (he has a smirk on his face). She turns red in the face and says "Vagina?" He responds, "Yes, but what else did you write (with a chuckle)?" She says, "ummmm...Well, let me just say that I didn't know what the lab was on, so I thought I knew the answer but I didn't want to be gross...ummm, so I wrote 'vagina, and if that's not the right answer you really are a perv.'"

2. We are all sitting around the models for our professor to come go over the terms and locations with us (they aren't all as simple as you would think). I pull up my chair, talk to my friend, and we then both look over to find this random kid (who has knight rider as his ring tone - I only know because I swear it goes off at least once every class) nervously bouncing/tapping this model on the table. He was not paying attention to what he was doing (at least it didn't seem like it, and I sure hope he wasn't), but the model that he happened to have picked up was the breast model. Well, being the great and anatomically correct model that it is, the breast is jiggling up and down on this model in amazing accuracy and the nipple (attached by a spring to allow the alveoli of the mammary gland to be seen) is literally "boinging" up and down on this breast that is jiggling. Needless to say, once again, just about die laughing.

3. Many stories are told by the males involving "nuts, junk, the pack, etc." (as my professor made clear to state all the unanatomically correct names before state the correct one) being cut, pinched, and everything else painful and amazingly awful to picture occured.

4. The anatomy professor who teaches our lecture (that we have three times a week) walks in and tells our lab teacher that his wife is supposed to meet him here, but he has to run somewhere on campus real quick. So, if his wife shows up looking for him, just let her know that he will be back. Our teacher says he will be happy to do that, and if she does show up and he's not back, perhaps we can let her join our exciting reproductive lab lecture. Our professor (yes, probably sixty or so but still in good shape) responds, "ya, but we don't do that stuff anymore, she probably knew and forgot all there was to know. You know, you sweep that stuff into the closet once they stop working at the proper times, and they no longer give you any pleasure."....ummm, k, wayyyy to much information and followed by our teacher saying, "did you guys just get the worst mental picture ever?" (pretty sure it was rhetorical) but someone decides to answer "well, now I do, thanks."

5. There is a foreign girl in our class and she is very funny and has a great accent. She is also very eager to learn, and asks the greatest questions (just another background story on her - we were learning about the brain and talking about schyzophrenia at which point she asks, "wait, does everyone not hear voices?"). So, our teacher asks us if anyone is a product of In-Vitro or if we are all truly products of our parents using these organs in front of us to do the deed (I know, way to start off the lecture). He then explains prostate cancer and that yes, it can occur in younger people, and no, you can't produce more semen once it is removed and that if they do remove the prostate in young people they usually freeze a couple vials of their sperm so that at some point they can still use their sperm for IVF and have their own offspring. This girl then proceeds to ask, "how do they collect their sperm?" and our professor says "well, you know, they put the guy in a room with a good movie, himself, a good magazine and let him have at it." she continues to look puzzled and he continues to clarify, "they put him in a room and let his wife go in there, or give him a porno to watch or something...(still puzzled look on the girl)...you know, masturbation?" and quietly she replies "what? mas-tur-ba-tion? (pronouncing it perfectly because she has never heard the word before) is that like the wife knows how to surgically suck it out?" our teacher responds with a chuckle, "ya, surgically suck it out is a perfect explanation, just take away the surgically part."....OHHHHH, boy, we have digressed and I'm about to pee my pants listening to all of this.

6. There is a horse's penis dried and laying on the table, and our professor is standing behind the table while we all collect models to go study in our own groups during free lab. He never went over the horse penis and so a curious girl walks up and simply says, "is that how big it really is?" He thinks that she is referring to knowing it belongs to a horse and responds, "well, ya, the canal is much longer and it needs to reach." She gets big eyes and says, "Oh my, I'm NEVER getting married."

.......WOW, FOLKS, WHERE IS THE SEX-ED IN THIS COUNTRY!?!?!?